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[September 25, 2006] My big plan today was to trek across state-lines to Vancouver, Washington for a demonstration by world-famous masters of Wushu, Jet Li's martial art, who were performing at a movie theater in honor of the release of Fearless. After an hour and a half of buses, I discovered that the listing in the newspaper was wrong, it'd been yesterday and Friday. After that, I planned on taking it easy for the evening. The highlight of the day was running into two of my friends from back home on the bus and bringing them on a tour to my favorite bar, coffeehouse, pizza joint and playground in the neighborhood.

But then I sang at a strip club instead.

To preface: In my 26 years, I've only been in a strip club once, many years ago. By the end of the night, I'd decided I'd never go to one again, because it was just too easy.

Too easy to spend my last $20, which I'd planned to spend on re-piercing my eyebrow.

But when the Aussie told me there's a club further down the bus route that has "Stripparaoke" every Sunday night, I knew some things in my head had to change.

And so it was that me, the Aussie and the Minnesotan walked into the Devil's Point to the sound of "Land of the Rising Sun," sung by a guy sharing the stage with a dancer named Valentine.

Stripparaoke. It's all in the name. You're singing karaoke on the stage of the club, next to the pole, reading the lyrics off a TV screen or the projector behind you, surrounded by mirrors -- while a stripper rubs up against you, gyrates around, and occasionally flips upside-down on the pole and spreads her legs for the audience.

There were some damn good songs. One guy got on stage, and told us about how one method of torture the U.S. uses against detainees is to play The Eagles loudly, for a long time. Then he sang "The Eagles Must Die." Another guy announced, "This song is from George Bush to Osama bin Laden," and sang "Never There" by Cake. "When I need you, baby? You're never there!"

The Minnesotan sang "Mustang Sally," and the Aussie sang "Mack The Knife" despite the computer glitching. Myself, I chose "Kiss Off" by The Violent Femmes over the Dynamite Hack version of "Boyz in da Hood" and "Mambo #5." This wasn't the wisest choice, because as soon as the music started I realized I'm only familiar with live recordings off it and the cover Matt Hopper plays, yet I don't think I did that bad in the end.

But maybe next Sunday it'll be time for "Boyz in da Hood," "Mambo #5" and perhaps even "You Can't Hurry Love" by The Supremes. Because it was a fucking blast, and I'm definitely going to become a regular.

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Jess and Shayna: Check this out!, One Gigantic Life, Keep Portland Weird, popular places, AAN: You've Gotta See This

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wow , fun , portland , keep portland weird , strip clubs , stripparaoke , weird portland , naked portland