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The sixth job I was fired from:

Casa De Las Campanas. (Winter c.1992)

It was just time, after a long reign of chaos, they told me I could either quit or be fired. I drew a drawing of a nuclear bomb going off on the company stationery drawing of the building, it simply said, "Nuke the old, I quit. Love, James." I hung it up for everyone to see.

I had openly smoked cigarettes and weed in the halls while delivering room service trays, messed with the recipes in numerous creative ways while working as a cook, had sex on the job, drank on the job, popped pills on the job and smoked weed inside the residents game room while drinking their hard alcohol and eating from their ice cream sundae bar when I was supposed to be serving them food.

This was the apex of me being an out of control teenager before I outwardly cleaned up my act after graduating high school. This job represented me at my worst.

I started a "drawing cartoons on the service trays" craze, depicting the mean old people and the asshole managers. They ended up having a meeting to figure out who it was that was doing all of the derogatory cartoons.

This job was going to be a disaster from the beginning. The guy who hired me was Richard a giant gay man who, in the interview, told me that he had sex with Huey Lewis AND The News. We smoked weed together in his trailer at the trailer park he lived in even before I got officially hired there. Once I was in, I smoked weed with a Junior Supervisor before he got caught smoking weed in one of the residents rooms out on their patio, which overlooked the local lake. After he got fired I got a promotion to room service supervisor. All this meant was that I wore a different colored bowtie and had way too much freedom.

I got more and more out of control and it all culminated when they started firing all the fuck ups and hiring all these new highly motivated manager types.

The first to go was Richard. They accused him of sexually harassing some of the dishwashers who couldn't even speak English. They basically fired him because he was very outwardly gay. I was with him the day in question and no such incident occurred.

Next, they fired some of the gangsters that worked there as a legit job while they were stealing cars and everything else on the side, and after that they fired me (technically they told me I would be fired if I didn't quit). I just gave in and quit because they should have fired me when My ex-girlfriend Heather found out I was dating someone else who worked there a week after our break up so she threw a tray with three glasses of V-8 two Chablis wines, and four glasses of burgundy at me. Luckily for me I ducked and it all slammed on the wall, which left a nice permanent splat spraying glass into the salad prep area and the ice cream bin, which then had to be emptied and all the food exposed to the broken glass had to be discarded. She got fired for the outburst and I got written up.

I also got written up for being late, smoking on an unsanctioned smoke break in a non smoking area, leaving without being "checked out," talking back to managers, talking back to the residents, talking back to security, swimming in the residents pool with my uniform on at 11:30 pm, fighting with food in the dining hall after work with the whole staff, changing the menu specials board to say "beef strokinoff" rather than "beef stroganoff" (which subsequently no one even noticed besides the manager who knew it was me and wrote me up for the incident), and for my friend Adam doing burn outs in the parking lot in his camaro, "so that you knew I was here" as he explained later.

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