San Francisco Treats

Cicely ov Decades of Fashion

2006-07-01 15:58:55.255074+00:00

Zeez sexxxy broad knows herr fashion eras! Woweeee! Beeink ze vintage fan lyke I am, I sometimes kin get ze snobbies when it comes tou vintage shoppinks. I donut lyke ze overpriced frippery und I donut lyke ze cheapos hoo nose knot wot wot zay sell. Cicely nose herr stoooof. Beastsides zat, shee eez pwitty az ze picture und shee posed just fur meee! I swear I donut droool on ze moist exxxxcelllente selection ov ze shoesies!

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Coffee to the People

2006-08-20 17:37:54.718599+00:00

Caffffeeeeeine! Free internet, mocha (iced or hot), pastries, pasties, sammiches. Nice mix ov ze peeps und good beans not from bad man lands, arooooooo! Get ze leetl cod und after I donut nose how many moooochas, aryoo veal get vun fur freee. Ze fauxtoe ov ze colorfullly spreeeenkleded cafffeeeeeine over zare on ze right eez ze whitey mochachacha.

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Herbie's Cheep Art Shop

2006-07-05 10:20:19.680755+00:00

Herbie eez ze gooding artiste. Hee hopes tou vun day hav ze art shop in ze building, butt fur now contents heez elf tou hav vun on ze street. Herbie nose every biddy! Go buy some nicey arts or tayketh heem yore spare acrylic paints und paintable canvases und cardboards. Tell heem ze Madame sent aryooo und hee veal mayketh aryooo ze special drawling on ze baxxx ov yore drawling!

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Ginger Coyote ov ze White Trash Debutantes

2006-07-05 10:33:13.504713+00:00

Shee eez in ze Hoolywoods now, butt sheee oozed tou be ours! Myne fiend Mallory chirped wif ze Debs! From ze site: "1989 - The White Trash Debutantes first debuted at San Francisco's Covered Wagon Saloon at a birthday party for PUNK GLOBE Editor and Debutante Ginger Coyote. Soon they were invited to play with the likes of Debbie Harry, Bebe Buell, Ronnie Spector, Lemmy Kielmeister and The Ramones at Joey Ramone's Circus Of The Perverse party in New York City. The band quickly landed their first record deal and released "San Francisco" on Alternative Tentacles, produced by Billy Gould (Faith No More). Later, a follow-up track "Cheap Date" was released on Teen Rebel Records. The following year, Desperate Attempt Records released "Crawl For It" and soon after that Helter Skelter Records released a split 12" with Vancouver's The McKrackins."

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Carlos ze Cobbler ov Haight Street Shoe Repair

2006-07-09 16:11:12.231662+00:00

I fluff Carlos' cobblings und hee doth four shoesies fur ze price ov two just fur meeee! Hee nicey! Ze creepy bear in heez window breengs heem ze luxxx und hee been zare long time. Ze landbeasts tried tou hurl heem outtie butt hee came baxxx lyke ze sly cattie. Donut let heez old-weirld ways fooool aryoooooo eentou complacency, heee veal kik-kik your assss wit' your own bootie eefin aryooo step outta lyne.

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Christy Cote ov ze Mariposa Argentine Tango Club und "Tango Con*Fusión"

2006-07-05 15:22:40.816186+00:00

I artroooooooly admire zeez saucy babe fur herr mad dancing skillllz, butt moistly fur herr charm und wit. Christy teaches ze tango dancings und stars in ze moobies und vids zat eevin YOOOO could learn from. Yes, aryooo wif ze four left feets. Hee! Chexxx Christy's website fur ze dancing schedule. Shee eez ze busty lady, wif dancings at ze Metronome und abroad, toooo. Thursday eez always herr beeg nite at ze Verdi Club!

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Peter Gabel ov Noe Valley und New College of California

2006-07-06 20:57:09.309795+00:00

Director ov ze Institute for Spirituality und Politics, President Emeritus ov New College ov California Skolliwoll ov Law, und vun ov ze founders ov Critical Legal Studies, professor und philosopher Peter Gabel eez also ze neighborhood activist. Heez leadership was instrumental in saving Cover to Cover Booksellers in Noe Valley und hee eez vun ov ze citizens at ze helm ov ze Real Food fight. Heez goode philosophies as outlined in "The Bank Teller and Other Essays on the Politics of Meaning" und in Tikkun magazine hav helped get peeps through ze night on many ze sleepless existential journeys.

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Sami Sunchild ov San Francisco's Red Victorian Bed, Breakfast & Peace Arts Cafe

2006-10-03 18:43:12.954625+00:00

Sami Sunchild eez not ze flower chylde mourning ze end ov ze Summer ov Fluff, shee eez ze visionary hoo wants tou lead ze weirld to peace through tourism und travel ov each nation's peoples. Veeziting herr B&B eez lyke having ze dinings wif your favrit auntie. Shee veal poot aryooo to work if help eez needed und shee veal sit und chat if shee hath ze moment. Butt shee alvays vants tou ensure your comfort und whilst shee eez doing zat she veal plant ze seeds ov love und peace inside aryooo wifout your even noticing until later. Get a dose ov Sami next time aryooo veezit ze Haight. ZE TOMATOE PIE EEZ TOU DYE FUR!!!!!!!!!! Best. Pie. Ever. Paws down.

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Ugyen Dolma ov Tibet Styles

2006-07-11 11:57:16.590915+00:00

A most lovely woman und friend ov ze Madame (she gaved mee ze bracelet fur tou cure myne hurted pawl!), Ugyen eez ze proprietress ov ze weirld's larget jewelry boxxx! Ringies! Bracelets! Neck laces! Some ov ze moist vunnerful pieces zat I hav seen in ze Tibetan-style can beef hound heer. Und Madame nose herr jewelies, tou be sure! Veezit Ugyen fur all ov your sparkly needs. Tell herr ze Madame sent aryoooo fur ze exxxtra special service und ze treat! Tibet Styles (415) 387-0903

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Delirious Shoes

2006-07-09 09:02:41.098779+00:00

This pretty little Potrero shop carries unique designer shoes, handbags, and accessories. You can almost always find a steal on the sales table in the back, and the proprietress, Amy, is a very nice lady. Pick up a new pair of heels and go to Collage Gallery down the street for jewelry.

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Sergio ov Fruitful Grounds

2006-07-17 11:30:06.557224+00:00

Sergio, owner ov ze Fruitful Grounds, eez ze kyndely und efficient gentleman hoo nose heez beans! Zeez vun kin mayketh ze iced mocha, grill your burgher, or mayketh your fruity dreeenkie nice und smoooooooth. Best burger in ze Panhandle! Mushrooooms und swiss on myne, please. Vun thyme I gottsa ze turkey burger my mistake, und let mee telll aryooo, zat fuxxxer rockeded! Kizmet! Say, did aryooo nose aryoo kin allso get ze beer, whines, und hard cider heer? Yip Yip! CONSISTENTLY DELICIOUS MOCHAS UND BURGERS...NEVER ZE "OFF" DAY. MADAME GONZAGA GIVES FRUITFUL GROUNDS FOUR PAWLS UPPINKS!

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Mrs. Trauma Flintstone ov Bijou! at Martuni's

2006-07-10 01:48:14.307862+00:00

Bijou! at Martuni's eez ze delightfool vay tou close ze weekund. I fluff ze dragon queens! Emcee Mrs. Trauma Flintstone und her posse maykeths mee tou smile veddy bigly! I heartsilly recommend zeez ze leetl gem ov ze showcase witch aryooo kin see ze second Sundae ov each month beginning at 7pm. Bee oily or stand up! Cover charge $5 tou Meester Freddie at ze door! $10 wood bee eevin nicinger und worth effery cent booya! De tails: 415.241.0205; traumaflintstone@gmail.com

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Topher O'Grady ov Destino nuevo latino bistro

2006-07-10 00:55:27.476031+00:00

Topher eez ze amicable fellow hoo doth ze tending ov ze bar at Destino's. I ham veddy munch looxing forweird tou injoying ze two-fur-one mojitos heer from now on every Moonday-Thurstday from 5-7pm. Seee aryooo zare! Fur brunchings on Sundaes betwixxxt 11:30-2pm I shall injoy ze broiled day boat scallops blanketeded wif ze garlic buds und parmesan cheeeeeeese. Nicey place tou tayketh yore new fluffer! (415)552-4451

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Mama Tracy ov Finocchio's ov Yore

2006-07-22 15:38:54.141183+00:00

Mama Tracy sang at Finocchio's back in ze day. Aryoooo might hav seen herr there starring az Mr. Ertha Kitt betwixxxt 1957 und 1962. Eefin aryooo did, aryooo ar vun luxxxy muzzlefuxxxer indeed. Heer eez Mama Tracy today singing at Mrs. Trauma Flintstone's Bijou! at Martuni's. Injoy!

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Mina Harker ov ze Vampire Tour ov San Francisco

2006-07-11 14:52:35.522862+00:00

I vant tou bitey yore neck! Mina Harker aka Kitty Burns veal guide aryooo through ze cattiecombs ov ze City az aryooo hunt ze ghouls ov Nob Hell. Oh mein Goth! $20 per mortal. Discount prolly availabull fur ethereal beeings, senior critters, und studs.

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Jason Buckley ov Moving Pictures

2006-07-12 11:56:27.814262+00:00

San Francisco eez luxxxy tou have blogger und movie directinger Jason here from Washington DC, where heee filmed ze "Interns Gone Wild" moobie. In ze City, hee hath brought us "Ze Czech eez in ze Mail" und Dingleberry Lane Productions' "A Guy Walks into a Bar" in witch yores artroooooooly hath ze part. I ham red-eye fur mein close-up!

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San Francisco's Johnny Appleseed: Plant Trees Scott Munson!

2006-07-12 14:14:08.707156+00:00

Plant Trees Scott Munson eez vun ov ze good guise. Heez lyke Johnny Appleseed fur zeez modern times. Scott eez always red-eye tou help at ze events und hee breengeths heez own quiet und unique way ov helping us tou amimble tou honor our goot Muzzle Earth. Donkey, Scott Munson!

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Maria ov Haight Street Work Clothes

2006-07-17 10:16:31.768883+00:00

Sweet Maria Lopez, married tou ze veddy cutening Carlos ze Cobbler ov Haight Street, eez ze proud new proprietress ov ze beast place fur tou buy your pea coats und dickies! Open 11-7 Moonday through Satyrday und 11-5 on Sundae, aryooo veal be redeye fur ze beeg jobbie und stylin' tooo! Hee! So adorkabull I had tou load bofe videos! Take vun! Tayketh Two! I veal tayketh bofe!!! (415)621-2181.

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Tom ov Squat und Gobble

2006-07-17 11:15:58.025852+00:00

Despite ze off-pooting name und mad crazy way zay eez multiplying across ze City lyke randy rabbits (hoo kneads FOUR Squat und Gobbles in such ze small City?), cutening baristas und gut breakfasts kin bee had heer. I ham profoundly upset zat zay donut consent tou mayketh mee ze olde "Yellow Bird" from ze long-agoo menu, butt ze crab cakes wif spinach were ze suitabull substitute. Say...wot wot izzit 'bout zare chalkboard sign zat moist men (und some o'ze ladies, tou) seem tou fluff so wellll?

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Ze Cappuccino Cowboy ov New College ov California

2006-07-19 12:49:34.310963+00:00

I fluff Dustin's boook! Vun night I stayed uppinks all night reading ittsa butt I kept allmoist ending und zen goosing baxxx tou ze beginning acause I donut vant it tou end. It's vun ov zem zat repeats on aryoooo. I feeel lyke I was on zat road trippppink wif zem sad compelling passionate guise. I laffed I cried I wet ze beddings! Ze veddy rollickin' summer read. Aryoo kin get vun fur $5 eefin aryooo veezit ze cafe at New College ov California, 766 Valencia. Or get it online...or looxxx fur ze vuns I set freeeee on ze Book Crossing! Worth every leetl cent, boo-ya! Good read. See Dick read! Read Dick read! arrrrroooooooooooousing! Sexxxxings, doggings, drugs, bikes. Wot wot more doo aryooo knead? Pubelicked by Dirty Deeds Press in ze fornication wif Wildly Promiscuous Love Press.

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David Warren & The Giant Camera Obscura

2006-07-20 18:37:40.59238+00:00

Camera Obscura Historical Landmark May 23, 2001 August 23, 1987 San Francisco Examiner IMAGE The Magazine of Northern California Inside the Camera Obscura by Karen Evans David Warren spends his days in a building shaped like a camera out by the Cliff House. Anytime anyone gets close to his seaside attraction, Warren pokes his head through the round window of his plastic "box office" --housed just to the left of the lenslike door, and asks, "Have you seen the camera obscura?" What they'll see, if they pay their dollar and open themselves up to Warren's enthusiasm, is sheer magic. They'll also get to know a man who loves what he does. "Take a moment to let your eyes adjust," Warren tells his guests, once they've walked through the swinging doors into his world. He rests his hands on the white rail surrounding what looks like a satellite dish, pointed toward the sky, dominating the small room. Swimming across that dish is a scene that looks like a painting-- a painting in motion. Depending on where the camera obscura's periscope like lens is pointed at the moment, the view on the dish is of the walls of the Cliff House, or of the man-made concrete cliffs across the street, or of the condos lining the Great Highway where Playland at the Beach to be or of the Seal Rocks and the Pacific. As people watch, birds fly across the screen, a surfer rides a wave, the sea lions stretch on the rocks. "The camera takes six minutes to go all the way around, but you can stay as long as you like, "Warren tells his guests. One man last week stayed six hours." At this point, Warren can put on a taped narration and go back into his box office, but more often than not, he stays around, just to watch the reactions and share the discovery. "What you are seeing is a rotating picture of what's happening outside at this very moment, " Warren tells his small, rapt audience. "It works on the principle of the periscope. It reflects eighteen degrees of the view from outside, through an optically flattened, front surface-finished mirror and a series of concave and convex lenses, on to a parabolic or curved screen. "It was the first camera," Warren goes on to explain. "The camera obscura was invented by Leonardo da Vinci in the sixteenth century. His neighbors thought it was the instrument of the devil. They thought he could predict the future, the past and the present. They banned the creation because they believed it was related to the super- natural. That's because, "Warren continues, in his soft voice, "people would go in and then go out and see their friends and say, "I saw you when I was in the camera obscura," and people would think they'd seen the future because they had no idea about projected image." David Warren, on the other hand, several centuries removed from da Vinci's time, has a lot of ideas about the projected image and the camera obscura. There's very little he can't tell you about this rare device -- how Isaac Newton wrote about it, or Copernicus charted the stars with it, or Renaissance artists painted with it. "I've been an artist all my life," he says, "and vision and light and shadow are wondrous things to me. Inside you become entrenched, especially people into the visual arts or visual optics and light. "The vision of your eye opens up in there," Warren says. "You see things differently. Your optic nerve is being affected in a different way. It stimulates the chemical makeup and your emotions. It moves me to tears." As the camera swings around to capture the view across the street from the Cliff House, Warren tells his viewers, "This is the old Playland at the Beach. If you are a registered voter, you can sign a petition as you go out to put something there other than more condominiums." There's a reason that the former site of Playland holds a special place in Warren's heart. That's where he first saw the camera obscura, when he was sixteen years old. As a young man, Warren had show business in his bones; he ran away with the carnival, he learned how to eat fire. Then Warren grew up. worked on his career as a salesman, and lost touch with his beloved camera. When things began to fall apart for him, he found it again. "I ended up separated from my family," he says. "My wife divorced me. I had five kids, and I went into a deep depression. How can you sell anything at that point? He took up some of his old interests. He signed up for the docent's course at the Exploratorium and began doing research on Playland at the Beach, Just as it was about to be torn down. He met Gene Turtle, one of the two men who had built the camera. As youngsters, Turtle and Floyd Jennings had discovered Leonardo's plans by accident, thumbing through the Encyclopaedia Britannica for a science project. They showed their completed model to George Whitney, who owned the Cliff House and Playland. Whitney set up the camera at the Cliff House, but for the first few years it didn't do well because no one knew what it was. Then Whitney got the idea to make it look like a giant camera. Though located at the Cliff House, the camera obscura was a Playland attraction until they tore the place down in 1972. Early in his career, photographer Ansel Adams hung around the camera so much that they quit charging him. Warren ran into Gene Turtle in the 1970's and ended up doing a fire-eating demonstration at Turtle's wife's birthday party. In 1978, David Warren was perched on a ladder at the Balboa Theater, painting a mural on the side -it's still there, with Marilyn Monroe as centerpiece, but that's another story -- when Turtle approached him and asked whether he'd like to take over the operation of the camera obscura. "I told him I'd do it as soon as I got down from the ladder," Warren recalls, "and I've been doing it ever since." Warren proceeded to spend years trying to figure out how to get people in to see what the camera had to offer. "It's a wonderful thing," he says. "You think you should be able to tell people what it is, But it's a paradox. As a salesman, I knew that people would like to know about it, but I found out that you couldn't tell them about it." He finally hit upon a solution; tell them what it does, not what it is. Slowly, Warren has learned the tricks of wooing them in, has discovered where the magic line lies between those who come in and those who wander off. A few years ago, he added a pair of huge brass arrows, pointing to the entrance. "Before, people would just walk by and start looking at the ocean," he says. "Now, these get their attention." Once the people come inside, Warren starts spilling his enthusiasm, as the camera obscura chugs quietly around on its motorized axis, panning the surf and the sea lions and the sinking sun. At one point, Warren says, there were three such cameras in San Francisco alone. Now, there are only a handful left in the world. Dave Warren can tell you where each one is and who if running it. That's one of his projects -- forming an organization of all the camera obscura operators in the world, so they can share information. When the sun sinks low enough in the sky at the end of the day, the sun itself is captured on the rim of Warren's satellitedish screen, a glowing ball of concentrated light. At that point, Warren will hold up a flat, white board, moving it into the field of projection so that he can show people the sunstorms around the edge of the sun. "We always look for the sunspots," he says. "It's part of our show. We turn off the narration tape and do the sunset show in person. We see the green flash in here about twice a month. It's caused by the spectrum of light being split by the atmosphere. The various colors of light are separated. When green comes along, it flashes, like the northern lights, just as the last rays of light leave." Warren can't help himself; his voice fills with awe. "It lasts only a tenth of a second, but it's very beautiful. Liquid jade. When Jules Verne was writing, he said if there is a green in heaven, it's surely this green." As people leave, Warren nearly always seems to find some excuse to give them a free pass for another visit. ("Next time, come back while it's still light, so you can see the sea lions" or "Come back and bring a friend.") The camera never fails to surprise him. "The most unusual thing happened just the other day," says Warren. "We were watching a sunset, and all of a sudden there was a thud. The screen got black. I thought for sure a bird had hit the camera, Later, when I went up to close the hatch, I reached in, and there was a fish. A pelican probably dropped it," he says. "He sure had good aim." But even on more humdrum days, the object of his livelihood and his affections totally entrances David Warren. Someday, he'd like to create a mobile camera, on that he could haul up to Twin Peaks. "Now that would be something," he says. Meanwhile, if you venture down the stairs that lead to the terrace below the Cliff House, you'll find him, polishing the brass arrows or leaning out through the box office, trying to coax people over that invisible line. When someone gets within earshot, Warren is there, speaking softly. "Have you seen the camera obscura?" On a side note, Dave was the first “fire performer” and individual to light the burning man in the black rock desert.

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Karla ov Cafe La Taza

2006-07-25 21:32:54.935001+00:00

Ze pulled pork panini wif chipotle mayonnaise eez ze way tou goose. Add ze iced mocha, ze cookie, und mebbe ze leetl Caesar salad und aryooo veal bee ze happy camper. Nice barista, efficient service, clean, gut tasty meats. Iced mocha ze vay Goose intendeded.

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Spig's Store (formerly Departures...

2006-04-13 09:30:38.263398+00:00

...from the Past, but usually referred to as "Spig's Store" by ze locals) 1058 Hyde @ California, San Francisco CA Goosey Spig fur all yore costume kneads! Ze ass cabbage landbeast on Fillmore gave heem das booot; iffin yoo eez looxing fur ze store, hee eez now at 1058 Hyde @ California. Donut furget tou turn zat pesky cell phoney off tho, acause hee ze Luddite und veal kik-kik yore hi-tech ass tou ze curb. Boas! Wigs fur ze balding laydeees! Pirate hats! All kyndes o'hats! Leetl sparkly horns fur yore pointy leetl head! Sparkly clothings! Flapper crap! SeXXXy vintage Steeenkies! Men's vintage clothing/suits/smoking yello jakkkkkits! Women's vintage clothing und frilly under tings! Stalkings tou die fur! Accesssssories Gaylord! Beeg giant furrrrry burner coatie fur rentings! Men's tuXXXedos Loungewear Cocktail atttttire Burner, Stripper, und Raver attttire also availabullllll! Call only een emergency und eefin yoo plan tou spend ze beeg beeg cake, acause ze Uncle Spig HATES fauxn callllls! (415) 885-3377 Tell heem ze Madame sendeded yooo so hee veal geev mee sum free crapp tou thankies!

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Judy Rodgers, Zuni Cafe

2006-04-20 22:08:45.692786+00:00

Restaurants:
Co-owner and chef Judy Rodgers had the fortuitous experience of living with the Troisgros family, whose restaurant has three stars, near Lyons, France as a foreign exchange student. Perhaps it’s the smelling, tasting and living with perfection that has influenced her cooking today. Or, perhaps it was training at Chez Panisse, or cooking in France, Italy or Thailand. But, most likely, her signature style reflects her own desire for perfection. She believes in purity of the food. French food is French Food, not French mixed with Italian or Thai. She’s said to make the perfect roasted chicken. After graduating from Stanford with an art degree, Rodgers went straight to work at Chez Panisse, cooked and traveled around the world, then in 1987 became a partner in Zuni Café. Her style is American cooking with deep flavors—a blend of haute cuisine and homey.

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Find Your Niche at ze Neptune Society Columbarium

2006-07-01 16:07:37.516961+00:00

Creepy gothy rotunda wif ze olde ashes from San Francisco's friendliest ghosties! arrrrroooooooo! What's your shelf-life? Hee! snarfle. kak. Emmitt Watson, ze caretakinger, nose all ov ze ghosties. Ax heem tou geev aryoo ze tourings, und tell him ze Mad Ham sent ye. Hee veal act lyke hee donut nose mee, butt oh! heee do! Boo! Boo!

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Martin Hamilton ov New College of California

2006-07-06 19:36:50.814279+00:00

Education fur Social Change. Moist people donut realize zat New College offers so many tings! School ov Law, Graduate Psychology, Women's Studies, Poetics, Media Studies. President Martin Hamilton speaks: "It is the core values of New College that drive us, make each of us get up every morning, have our cup of coffee and come to work. I'm talking about compassion for all living beings, reverence for the underlying harmony and interconnectedness in nature, commitment to social justice, as well as an active approach to improving social conditions. We believe in ecological sustainability, not only for ourselves but for future generations. We respect the many cultures and traditions that enrich our learning environment, and we are committed to a learning experience that encourages questioning and creative inquiry. This is what we at New College have tried to create over the years."

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Evil Twins

2006-07-17 18:06:25.654043+00:00

Ax zem wot wot zay did wif ze head ov Anton LaVey!!!! Kak!

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Groovy Judy

2006-07-17 20:21:35.445321+00:00

Groooooooovy Judy eeez arrrrrroooooooooooooooousing! Eefin Jimi Hendrixxx had ze sistah, shee wood bee Garrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooovy aroooJuuuuuudy! Zeez band hath ze loyal following ov happy peoples boppin' tou ze groovalicious sounds ov Judy und herr band. I fluff bouncing tou ze roxxxin' licks ov Judy's guitar. Bubbles! Purple! Power! Fluff!

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Dark Marc ov The Danger & Despair Knitting Circle

2006-07-09 16:12:53.52613+00:00

Hey Big Boy, what's a moll gotta doo tou get ze invite? Just email Dark Marc, ze Knight ov Noir! Hee breengs us free films at ze swank City Club on Thursday nights. So get yore vintage on und join in on ze deceptions. Bee prepared tou swill. Photo: Paul Meienberg in ze ascot, Marc Kagan, Marc "Dark Marc" Dolezal in ze Aloha gear. Zeez three fellows combine ze poowerful knowledge ov noir eentou ze fun tipsy nights! Yesss, ze vid suxxx. Ittsa ov ze discussion session at ze City Club. Vunce I get ze monies fur ze thumb grafts, I veal win ze Oscar Mayer Weiners, just shaddup atill zen, izzat a deal beeg boy?

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Luciano ov Schroeder's Cafe

2006-07-01 11:06:35.553269+00:00

Ox Tail eez lyke crack! Goot strawlberrry desserties, tooo. But ze veddy beast ting abooot Schroeder's eez ze dapper handsome gentleman in ze suit, Luciano. Tell heem ze Madame sent aryooooo! Might I suggest ze osso bucco? Tummy fluff! Injoy ze Fine Bavarian Food wifout ze exorbitant airfare!

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Ze Grrrls ov Fat Chance Belly Dance

2006-07-12 16:58:07.408929+00:00

I fluff ze bellies dancing, und I especially ham enamored ov ze Tribal style. Ze moves zat ar gloriously executened! Alll ov ze troupe ar so diverse, each vun eez a treat untou herr elf! Arooooousing! Aryooo kin see trouper Wendy Allen und some ov herr dancing grrrrrl mates pooform wif ze Mutaytor on Satyrday, July 15 at ze Crucible. All ze ghouls ov ze Fat Chance Belly Dance mayketh mee vant tou celebrate myne bawdy eclectic! Chexxx outtie ze website und sign up fur ze lessons or see ze show. Yore heart veal sing wif ze vivid style, colour, und sounds. (Wendy Allen stars in ze featured fauxtoe)

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Cover to Cover Booksellers

2006-07-06 20:27:50.000056+00:00

Ze bookstore ze neighborhood community rallied tou save. Read all abooot it heer: http://www.noevalleyvoice.com/2003/July-August/Covr.html

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The Punch at Hobson's Choice

2006-07-07 16:12:21.04806+00:00

Itttsa knockouttie! Goo fur Happy Hour; Stay fur Closing Time. $2 punch 5-7pm. ::guzzzzzzle gulp kak!::

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Shaman/Bard for Hire

2006-07-12 16:12:02.447869+00:00

Hades' work ranges from healings to defense to communication with the other side. He also provides vocals, rhythm guitar and songwriting. A Bard indeed....

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Lam ov Tu Lan Restaurant

2006-07-13 19:41:18.380183+00:00

Lam Phung, ze unassuming waiter at Tu Lan Restaurant, brightened palpitatinglyish when axed tou bee een ze Madame's moobie! Hee blossoms lyke ze flower und heez smile eez as goode az ze Vietnamese iced cafffffeeeeeeeeeine zat I fluff so muchly. Zeez place eez ze favrit ov San Franciscans. Und zare eez ze secret staircase! Hoo wood haf known? Knot eye. Mein favrit drunxxxen chef, Julia Child fluffed zeez place, und wif gut reason! Tell Lam I said "Halllllllow!" when aryoooo veezit. (Special donkeys tou mein fiend Wendy Allen ov Fat Chance Belly Dance fur agreeking tou co-star in ze leetl moobie.)

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Tsvi & Lola ov Gallery 683

2006-07-17 10:31:34.291543+00:00

Tvsi und Lola ar fun tou talk tou und hav ze roxxxin' goods. Mee, I likey loooxin' at ze ringies und jewelies, butt ze posters ar poopular, tou. Donut mist ze peyote buttox tile at ze entrance, lyke ze hidden treasure. Zeez leetle shoppe eez ze real ting; beast sure tou wear ze flower in yore hares!

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Vicki ov Vicki's Street Shop Boutique

2006-07-17 10:42:14.816515+00:00

Vicki eez ze eentaresting straight-talkin' hottie shopkeeper hoo donut mince weirds. Eefin aryoo goose in ze shoppe, aryooo otter buy ze leetl sumpin' sumpin'! Git yore ass cabbage down zare und buy ze 'hoodie. I lyke nosing shee eez zare fur buyin' ze leetl last-minute gifties fur mein fiends. Und shee eevin carries Beebalalou neck laces!!! Miss Vicki eez ze charm. Tell her ze Mad Ham sent aryooooo und mebbee shee throw aryoo ze discount. Und donut furgit tou stoop und snif-snif ze incense. Gud sniffinks!

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Carley ov Oakside Cafe

2006-07-17 10:59:09.704004+00:00

Adorable barista Carley maykeths ze mean mocha und nose ze joys ov subliminal advertising! Allso on ze Madame's list ov favrits from ze Oakside Cafe: iced moooocha, vanilla latte, bacon bacon bacon cheese bagels! I lyke tou roost in ze bird's nest und doo ze wry tings ov letters tou mein grandmuzzle. Last time I was zare I snoopied on ze guise planning ze gnu hipster bar in ze City. Bah! Doo wee rilly knead anuzzle hipster bar? I prefer ze eavesdrooping on more juicy convos, lyke Dixie talkin' 'bout herr crazy kinks! Butt no mattle wot wot aryoo overhear or donut, zeez eez ze cofffeeeeine shoppe wif ze moist cake so donut overloox ze fluffly array ov sweet loaf treats!

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Dwayne und Jessica ov The Experimental Performance Institute

2006-07-22 14:55:44.359114+00:00

Olive aryooooo moist come! Donut mist ze funninks hijinxxx. Beeg Sexxxy Fun! Dwayne und Jessica ov The Experimental Performance Institute at New College ov California (766 Valencia Street in ze Mission) ar poooting on ze show at ze Roxie Theater (right around ze coroner at 3117 16th Street at Valencia Street). Dwayne's voice veal geeev aryooo ze chillbumpings und Jessica, vellllll, Jessica shee just geevs ze chillbumplings! Git yore asscabbages off ze couchings! ::ahem:: Quiet, pleaseth. KAK! Live, at the World-Famous Roxie Theater First Satyrday ov Every Moth at 12:00 Midnight Crash Cabaret: Where Queers Collide (Heterosexuals encouraged to apply!) San Francisco’s finest Dragon Queens and Kings, Dirty Dykes on Motor-Cross Bikes, Punk-Rock Trannys, Artsy-Fartsy Fairies, Holistic Homos, Anarchists and Cosmetologists, Lizzies and Boy-Girls and Bears join forces in all corners of this historic movie-house for one hot hour of collisions between video, music, dance and theater, performance and activism, reverence and irreverence and back and forth across the spectrum of gender and sexual orientation. Info: (415) 437-3487, info@epiarts.org

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San Francisco Gold Company

2006-08-14 10:12:48.006441+00:00

Ze nice jaunt tou Fisherman's Wharf should allways include ze veezit tou ze jewelie shoppes! Mein recent veezit wif Rebekah und Miss Leeeesa led us tou fynde ze spinnning rings, witch were introduced in San Francisco und witch Rebekah had nivver afore peeeped. Shee fluffed zem spinning rings und az fart az I nose, eez still in zat store drooooooolin' on 'em. Yay Ringies! Noel Gervais, whom yoooo may hav seen dancing lyke John Travolta long agooooo on Dick Clark's American Bandstand or perhaps tippy-tapping on James Gabbert's Dance Party baxxx in ze 80s, und heez coworkinger Roland Yarni, wood love to help aryooo chooose ze perfect jewelie fur yore momma or eevin yore ho! Afterweirds, hav ze funnel cakey und get yore ass cabbage on up stares tou seee "Menopause: Ze Musakal" Now goose on und get yore elf ze diamond tou match ze sparklies in yore eyes! Fisherman's Wharf, Pier 39, SpaceP-4 e-mail fleeta-sfg@msn.com (415)421-2410

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Porcelynne

2006-09-03 05:05:13.076015+00:00

Jennifer works her magic! __________________ I saw some of Jennifer Lynne's pieces at a recent Luggage Store trunk show and was excited to visit her Mission store. What a fun collection! From the sassy green frock featured in the center of the store (photo at right) to autumn-hued trousers and delicately designed tanks (also shown at right),and bouncing over to the bouyant wine bottle cork halter top, Jennifer has a delightful way of redefining everyday fashion sense. My visit found Jennifer busily at work creating a surplice wrap sweater dress. If you catch her at a slow time, she'll tailor her designs for you on the spot! Porcelynne opened in February of 2006 and Jennifer, who attended the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York and gave up the business for a couple years before committing to her design work, has recently left her day job to focus on her creations full-time. If you are in the mood for a wardrobe update and want to support a local designer while looking different-than-most, here's your place. Porcelynne also features the work of many local designers including Amy M. Cool's highly touchable recycled fabric handbags and jewelry by 19 Moons and Tessa Poppe. I'm going to have to go back for the earrings created with Lite-Brites (photo at right). The most intriguing of Porcelynne's offerings is the "Panty-A-Month" club. You'll get a new pair of stinkies designed by Jennifer every month--imagine how fun it could be to get this monthly offering from a lover in the subsequent months after breaking up--the turmoil the poor chump would go through knowing that you'll be wearing the panties he bought you--he bought YOU--with your new lover. Oh, the possibilities! Art work in the gallery rotates; the current show features work created on heat-sensitive fax paper with a soldering iron (shown at right). Check out Porcelynne's website for gallery show information.

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Victory for Big Alma!

2006-08-25 14:47:07.99425+00:00

It's an interesting juxtaposition, the angels and the statue. "Two years before the Gold Rush, in 1847, Jasper O'Farrell created a design for San Francisco, with Union Square as a public plaza. By the 1880s, it was a fashionable residential district, and in 1903, the towering monument was added, topped by the bronze goddess Victory, modeled after Alma de Bretteville Spreckels, known for her enormous influence in the San Francisco art community." Another site's description, after describing Alma's successful modeling career: "With money to spend on stylish attire, and a growing local notoriety from her modeling ventures, Alma blossomed into a proper belle of San Francisco and attracted the affection of miner Charlie Anderson, whom she later successfully sued for "personal defloweration" in a breach of promise suit that made newspaper headlines. Local novelty became self-assured celebrity as Alma secured the position of model for sculptor Robert Aitken. His creation, a monument honoring naval hero Admiral Dewey and the recently assassinated president William McKinley, would feature the buxom temptress as a triumphant bronze libertine atop a granite pedestal, her right arm outstretched, holding the laurel wreath of peace towards the horizon, her left arm, raised above her head, valiantly pointing a trident to the heavens."

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Vendima Vintage

2007-02-05 09:49:35.140342+00:00

Meet Graciela Ronconi of Vendima (anyone want to edit this poorly-lit video for me? :) _____________________ Besides Graciela and staff's friendly vibe, what I love best about Vendima is that they carry new vintage-inspired pieces as well as the real thing. Sometimes your favorite look just can't be found in a certain kind of pattern or color or size and you've gotta do a little "cheat." Can you guess which of the menswear coats in the photo showing two of them side-by-side in the column over there on the right is the real vintage and which is the new, vintage-inspired piece? Vendima carries Classic Hardware jewelry, which looks and feels like old Bakelite (see photo at right), shoes, coats, dresses, skirts and menswear that are reminiscient of 40s and 50s styles. Some of the new retro offerings include designs by local peeps Brown Sound, Sailor Jerry (did you know he was a real tattoo artist in the 30s and 40s? Yep he was, and you can get stationery here with his tattoo art as well as menswear sort of bowling shirts), Lucky 13, Rock Steady, and beau bois. Graciela Ronconi moved to this primo spot (right next to Peasant Pies near the MUNI 24 bus line) and changed the store name to Vendima (which means "vintage" in Portugese) after 11 years at "Guys and Dolls" in a lesser-traveled Noe Valley location. She buys clothes from the public--you can call to set up an appointment to sell your duds--and from trade shows and wholesalers who scout and buy all over the country. Winona Ryder shops here and scouts from Louis Vuitton, Burberry, and Ralph Lauren regularly check out the offerings for inspiration. I was digging the partytime Jackie O. looking metallic-threaded tweedish dresses with matching coats and if I didn't already have a couple sets from Aunt Esther I would have indulged. In the far back of the store you can find gifts and the ever-popular sales rack; a sweet selection of vintage plastic baby clothes hangers were going for $2.50 each and some lovely dresses were marked way down (see photos at right). Graciela is a gracious gal with a real vintage flair; let her style your vintage look. _______________ Monday-Friday 11-7pm; Saturday/Sunday 11-6pm Don't miss the end-of-season sales! (415) 285-7174

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Karizma: Beads, Crystals, & Estate Jewelry

2006-09-02 08:04:19.221616+00:00

Karizma's proprietress, Maopei, has served all of my jewelry repair and design needs for the whole ten years her store has been in the Castro. If I had $1 for every bead she's strung for me...well, I'd spend it all on another necklace! This is the place to get your watch battery changed, your rings sized, and Granny's engagement ring turned into a breastplate. Custom designs are available for any type of item including wedding rings or bridal party gifts and vintage jewelry repair jobs are welcomed. If you're a jewelry or clothing designer, Maopei has the connections to help with manufacturing and she will also help with design. She's designed for the Nature Company and assists local designers in selecting beads and findings. This is a great place for creating your own masterpiece jewelry; even Saks Fifth Avenue designers purchase jewelry components here. I was fascinated by Herkimer diamond crystals during my recent visit; Karizma's ever-changing inventory always holds wonderful surprises and Maopei is always willing to help with a design and will string you up on the spot if she's not too busy. During my recent visit she helped me bring my most recent fantasy choker to reality and over the years many of my signature pieces were built with Maopei's assistance. Here you will discover crystals and carved gemstones for whatever ails you and for whatever doesn't ail you. Many different shapes and sizes are available if you know what I mean (please refer to photos at right). Playing with the revolving jewelry display case, the kind where you push the electric button and the trays go 'round and round, reminds me of mooning over Troutman's Drugstore jewelry case offerings back in my hometown. I would *love* to have one of those babies in my living room someday! Maopei has this one chock full of charms, talismans, and other magical-looking items which could amuse and bewilder even the most peculiar shoppers for hours. As if all that isn't enough to satisfy, Maopei also offers an impressive collection of stonework fetishes, fine vintage and estate jewelry, sterling and gold rings, and loose colored stones. Tibetan art and Japanese woodblocks hang throughout the store waiting for you to discover and purchase them while gentle fountains murmur softly that rose quartz would look great with your complexion. Wile away an afternoon at Karizma soon! ______________________ Tuesday-Sunday 12-7pm Monday 1-7pm karizma1@att.net 415.861.4515

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Four Corners Antiques of Cole Valley

2006-09-02 07:58:51.447747+00:00

Roy, Robin, and Phil's sorta tucked-away no-fuss little antique store has offered affordable memorabilia to the general public for twenty years. This unassuming shop carries practical items as well as more enjoyable and ephemeral bits like old church songbooks and portraits of vintage vixens (see photos at right). Every time I've visited, there's an affordable must-have I just can't do without, last time it was a couple vintage Hamilton printer's trays for only $20 each (I've seen pieces of much lesser interest and quality go for $50 and up). Restoration hardware for your Victorian lair can be found here at decent prices, and I bet if you peek in from time to time, you'll eventually find exactly the right drawer handle to match the others on your rustic Mexican cabinet. Roy was working on sorting movie stills and other memorabilia during my visit and we discussed the ever-changing and broad selection of picture frames and collectible boxes available. Before you buy that 2006 $10 cheap-o plastic frame at Walgreen's, get yourself to Four Corners and for the same price see what a quality old frame can do for that sad K-Mart photographer's photo of Cousin It and family that you're morally obligated to display. My favorite finds this visit were hand-painted baby cribs at only $45, a great hall desk for $40 (the stuff outside on the sidewalk is always interesting, useful, and priced to move), a Sawyer's View Master complete with reels of Canadian and American tourist attractions at only $2 each. I enjoy browsing in the little backroom with the angora sweaters and tchotchkes first and then moving along slowly, taking in each display. I usually spend a little extra time in the vintage jewel cases up front at the end of my visit and I always try to remember to scout for old buttons to use in jewelry or gift projects. I guess I just wasn't feeling like myself this visit because I passed on a $5 vintage button bracelet with loads of cute buttons sewn onto a strip of fabric like the old Victorian friend bracelets. No way is that still gonna be there tomorrow! Because the location is a little bit off the usual bustling retail strips of the City, the feel of the store is leisurely and slow and always makes me wish that when I leave, the world will have slowed down, too. ________________ Open 12-5pm every day. 415.753.6111

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Yo, Four Eyes!

2006-09-01 18:32:43.386081+00:00

Somebody like me who's been wearing glasses since the age of four doesn't fool around when it comes to face jewelry. From my modern titanium (half the weight and twice the strength of steel!) frameless specs to my pointy vintage sparklers, I trust HyperOptics manager Chris Trethewey as my partner in vision. He's been a great help in choosing suitable frames over the years and he's got a good eye (heh heh!) for style. These guys aren't afraid to put new lenses in my latest vintage cat-eye frame finds (SF Costume Party and Decades of Fashion are good hunting grounds) and they cheerfully replace screws and make adjustments when I stop in with the glasses I stepped on because I couldn't see 'em there without my glasses on (the floor is NEVER a good place to leave your glasses!). During this visit, which was for a quickie wing repair on the Queen Mother of all glasses--shiny silver metal engraved cat-eyes--Chris beguiled me with $549 retro-inspired Swarovski crystal Lafont frames (shown at right). These delectable frames feature a stunning row of embedded crystals lining the top rim of the glasses rather than the front so that when you're looking down the crystals sparkle for the delight of your admirers. The price of these frames, combined with the ultra-lightweight, anti-reflective, thinnest possible lenses I prefer may someday end up costing me a cool grand. That Chris! Frankly though, a good optometrist is as important as a good facialist. If you're a glasshead like me and don't yet have a great team of eye people helping with your vision needs, I heartily recommend Dr. William Chantaduly and my friends at HyperOptics. They're aces at navigating insurance quagmires, possess a broad knowledge of the latest frames and options in lenses, and, perhaps most importantly, they stock an ample and eclectic variety of frames. Customer service pros that they are, HyperOptics can usually accommodate walk-ins or schedule same-day appointments. More information on selection and services is available on their website or you can call 415-626-8686. Open Monday through Friday from 11:00am - 7:00pm ...and HEY! Watch your head!

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Bottom of the Hill

2006-05-04 15:00:47.784707+00:00

We saw the New Amsterdams. You were carded, even though I wasn't with you! It was here that I began to doubt that I'm the one lowering your AARP credential.

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Isadora Duncan

2006-01-20 08:13:29.903377+00:00

American dancer whose teaching and performances helped free ballet from its conservative restrictions and presaged the development of modern expressive dance. She was among the first to raise interpretive dance to the status of creative art. Original name (until 1894) Angela Duncan. Born May 26, 1877, or May 27, 1878, San Francisco, California, U.S. died September 14, 1927, Nice, France.

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Bigwheel Race down SF's Lombard - BYOBW

2006-04-23 22:16:42.81114+00:00

Every Easter Sunday! Show up with a big wheel, race down the World's Crookedest Street for homemade prizes. hit your computer's space bar to play and/or pause the video:

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Rosamunde Sausage Grill

2006-07-07 17:58:33.306766+00:00

San Francisco, CA

2006-04-28 16:41:01.44007+00:00

Pedro ov Brazil Fresh Squeeze Cafe

2006-07-12 21:44:22.737433+00:00

Pedro's meats ar ze best in all ze Land! Tri-tip! I fluff gettinks ze snakkings und chatties as I wait in line. Mango Smoooooothies! Yip! Yip! Transport yore elf tou meatweirld wif ze mouth-watering goodness ov melt-in-ze-mouth meats. Tastiest meats in ze Bay Area. I ham jonesin'! Aryooo hear meee? Jonesin'! for more ov ze saucy goodness. Eevin ze veggies were choice.

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Ze Rabble ov The Little Shamrock

2006-07-11 23:16:03.107641+00:00

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Frank Chu und ze 12 Galaxies

2006-06-30 19:58:16.48409+00:00

Frank Chu inspirededed ze 12 galaxxxies bar wif heez sign. Ze owner assures mee zat Frank gets tou eat freeee und zat hee hath bin compensateded fur heez naming muse servicings. I lyke Frank.

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Annie's Cocktail Lounge

2006-07-22 14:56:42.987538+00:00

Thrill to the sound of Dolores singing to Myrna at Annie's Cocktail Lounge! Hear the voice of an angel! Can you guess where you've heard Dolores singing to Myrna before? tippy tap tippy tap tippy tap...

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Rebecca ov ze Shadow Circus Creature Theatre

2006-07-05 21:05:54.861031+00:00

Poppetsas! I fluff ze poppets. Und ze poppets wot tell ze stories ov vice und sloth, welll, zay SLAY meeee! Rebecca eez ze good puppet ladye und vun thyme I heard her raise up herr voice in song und welll...let mee telll aryooo zat alone was worth ze price ov ze admissionings. Goose see ze puppet show und rejoice in mirth. From ze shychiatryst: "The spawn of a Brooklyn street preacher and runaway Cherokee teen from Kentucky, this patient may have suffered a dissociative split upon birth when cruelly belched forth into the vapid expanse of East Los Angeles. Determined to pursue manifestations of subversive thought, she crawled desperately northward until her palms and knees were naught but blood and bone. Found shortly afterwards with blood gathering beneath her, Miss Renfro was detained for further observation. The patient is found to exhibit an obsessive/compulsive disorder which compels her to gnaw large orifices into dolls and stuffed animals in order to wear them on her hands. She will then engage in strange three way conversations with herself, shrieking hysterically if interrupted. She is often found muttering to herself in a language we have not yet been able to identify. Patient will only sleep on a couch."

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Russell Gonzaga ov Elyseum

2006-07-05 21:42:24.163192+00:00

Founder und Executive Director ov Elyseum, teachinger/pooet/writer Russell Gonzaga hath been ze San Francisco treat fur many years, inspiring many a frustrated wry tinger in ze City tou try ze paw at wry tings. Get yore Hemingwaywannabeee butt tou ze workshop. From ze site: "ELYSEUM is a diverse literary community established to facilitate, inspire, encourage and exemplify excellence in literature, writing and spoken word. Our events, workshops and retreats are dynamic settings where participants are safe and free to effectively express themselves while sharpening their skills in writing, presentation and observation. ELYSEUM is a Paradise for Heroes and Poets"

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Tour Guide ov Haunted Haight Street

2006-07-06 22:35:27.12726+00:00

Ze Haunted Haight Walking Tour eez led by ze founder ov ze San Francisco Ghost Society, a paranormal group wot investigates claims of ze supernatural in San Francisco. Hee nose heez ghosts! Tayketh ze tour. I veal key an eye out fur ye! Madame Ghostdogga awaits aryoooo on ze ethereal path. Boo!

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Alfred's Steakhouse

2006-07-06 19:14:04.574996+00:00

Now under ze ownership ov ze deefrunt Alfred zen ze original, still boasts ze tastiest stakes in ze kingdom. Cattiecombs downstairs!

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Erin Shannon Mobile Massage Women Only

2006-07-07 19:08:17.267314+00:00

Have a spa massage experience in the comfort of your own home. Erin has been doing Intuitive work, Hypnotherapy, and Bodywork for the last 15 years and can use her skills to create a deep nurturing, healing, and relaxing experience for you. Also available in a Fairfax location. Readings available in person, over the phone, or for your next party. Erin Shannon CMT 415-457-7242

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Ze Staff at Martuni's

2006-07-10 01:49:50.707044+00:00

::sigh:: Such ze lovely atmosphere. I ham all about ze velvet curtains und piano bars! I fluff ze owner guise, toooo. Zat Skip eez about ze nicest guy ever tou run a joint. Every biddy working zare eez charming. I ham moobing in! I almoist gottsa married at Martuni's vunce, butt lettuce knot discuss zat heer. Baxxx in ze days ov wine und Romance, I hosted many ze fine party wif ze good peeps ov Martuni's und I knew I could count on 'em tou be professional, courteous, und cutenings. I geev zem four pawls uppinks all ze vay! Eefin aryooo need ze gooding stiffy dreeenk, zeez eez ze place tou beast. Waving Hallllllow! in ze video wee hav Antonio, Tommy, Dyan, und Kevin.

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Queenie's Psychic Hit's for your next Party!

2006-07-12 10:11:16.848188+00:00

Add some mystical fun to your next party! Queenie aka Erin has been doing psychic readings and medium work for the last 20 years and will add some extra oomph to your next get together. Using the Faeries Oracle or Tarot, and skills in spirit communication she can make your next event a memorable one for all your guests. Call for rates and availability. Also available for readings by phone or email. Queenie aka Erin 415-457-7242

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Czech in a Box

2006-07-12 11:39:23.073132+00:00

Ze crazy Czech eez eeen ze mail again! I trye tou avoid zeez corner mailboxxx. Hee kooky.

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Ze Changs ov KK Cafe

2006-07-17 20:29:11.376596+00:00

Even afore ze pea nutty miracle elixir "Signs und Wonders" was discovereded acause ov Jack's achin' gums, I injoyed ze tummyfluff I felt when veeziting Margaret und Jack's happy nest. Ze hamburgles ar tasty und easy on ze pocketbooxxx! Allso, zay donut mynde ze wee doggings hoo always bee sniffinings at zare door. So aryooo kin imagine mein delightings when zay discufffered ze fountain ov youth on top ov their allredeye mouth-watering line-up ov ze snaxxx. Vun hamburgle und ze miracle, coming uppinks!

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Paul ov Starbucks Coffee Company

2006-07-17 20:30:27.141627+00:00

At ze risk ov gettin' mein ass cabbage kik-kikked tou ze curb by ze militant San Franciscans hoo donut lik chains und believe zat Starbucks donut really geev butt lip service tou ze ideals ov Fair Trade caffeeeeine, I breeengeth aryooo Paul ov ze Starbucks on Divisadero at Bush near Kaiser Permanente. Sure, Starbucks eez ze chain butt zay give eevin ze part-timingers ze health insurances und zay geev baxxx tou zare communities wif ze helpings ov nonprofits. Zay eevin gots ze altarooooooooooouistic mission statement. I donut nose--I tinkle ze corporate giving pogromme und ze insurance beats ze hell outta ze NOTHING zat menny cafffeeeeiiiiiine shoppes geev baxx tou zare 'hoods. Beastsides, zay hav pwitty und nicings baristas hoo nose zare way around ze beans, tou! I gotta say zat zare mmmmoooocccchas mayketh mee hoppy und ar consistently goood und creamy; zay kin alllso do ze good iced moooocha witch many fail miserabullllly at und should not eevin try. Anuzzle plus: zay gots ze bacon und sausage break fast snaxxxx. Now...about zem Fair Trade coffeeeeeeiiiine beans...

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Erika Shuch at Intersection for the Arts

2006-07-19 12:31:37.974568+00:00

Erika Shuch eez ze fluffly ladye hoo eez both ze pooformer und teachinger ov ze highest regardings. Donut mist herr weirld premiere dance theatre project aboot ze search fur extra-terrestrial life, concepts ov faith und belief, und ze human need fur contact und connection wif ze universe. Shee hath ze cutenings! Arooooooooooooooousing! ORBIT (notes from ze edge ov furever) Leemiteded seatings, buy yore tikkies oily! Through August 5th, 2006 Thursdays through Satyrdays 8PM $9-$20 (Sliding Scale); Thursdays ar pay-wot-wot-aryoooo-can 415.626.3311 Map this on Platial

Ed's Family at Java Supreme Cafe

2006-07-19 13:37:59.259134+00:00

Ze goood hot cup o'cafffeeeeeeine und nicing conversation eez all zeez dogging kneads in ze mournings. Und ze nicey icey mocha fur ze afternooners. Ed und heez family provides. Donut mist ze good drawlings by Jessica und ze moveable feast art show adorning ze walls. Sammiches, pita, bagels, mocha, iced mocha, tea, und treats! 415.206.1TEA

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Patricia und Baristas ov Martha & Bros. Coffee

2006-07-19 13:51:46.166761+00:00

Beastsides ze best mocha on ice in ze weirld, Patricia und her gang ov baristas at Martha's in Noe Valley also hav ze bestest smiles in ze weirld! Arooooooooooousing! Free smile in every cup! Beans, caffeine dreenkies, pastries, outdoor seatings, fresh fruits in nicey beeg cups, stuffed muffins, coookies, und community. Now zat's wot wot ze Mad Ham lykes in ze caffffeeeeine shoppe. Openeded 5:30 am (KAK!) till 8:00 pm weekdays, und 6:00 am to 7:00 pm on ze weekends. 415.641.4433,

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Ceiba Records ~ Fashion/Music/Art

2006-09-01 04:55:38.190859+00:00

Say hello to Peter Zeigelmeyer, Proprietor. _________________ For a very long time now, I've been jonesin' for one of those cool-looking Gado Gado sweatshirts with the tribal design on the sleeves and the long pointy swirly hoods that I see in Ceiba's window when I pass by the store...maybe in red. Touring Ceiba with Peter Ziegelmeier and Marie is a worldwide affair: local designers Dreamtime, Eka, and Space Turtle; Hikari from Japan; Psylo/Israel; Gado Gado/Austria; Nuclear Star/Italy; Quantum Leap & Mido from Bali all compete for my Mastercard's attention. But my favorite items in the store at the moment has got to be those stash belts by Hipsterr SF (modeled by Marie at right), which are like old-west gun holsters of wonderfully crafted leather but instead of gun holsters you get pockets for all of your raver or just-plain-boring-old-daily needs. These are way hipper than the standard fanny-pack, that's for damn sure, and I'll bet no one ever broke up with/refused to go out with/beat up someone for wearing a Hipsterr. Furry playa coats by Simone Schulz and an interesting selection of jewlery by Gina Pfanz round out the offerings of a bit of each type of gear you might need for an overnight dance party or just a hard day of urban living. If you're wondering where the music comes in, Peter founded Ceiba Records in 1996 and produces psytrance, progressive trance, and downtempo ambient music; listen and buy in the back of the store or on the website.

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Betsy Dee: Global Style/Local Talent

2006-09-01 05:12:18.503589+00:00

Video: Stephanie Don of Betsey Dee welcomes us to Betsy Dee's Haight Ashbury boutique. _____ "When dressing for an evening out, I always choose chandelier earrings. They're more likely to match the lampshade I will inevitably be wearing." ~Betsy Dee Sounds like the kind of friend you want to take to your office Christmas party, or rather skip your office Christmas party to go to a burlesque show with instead! Betsy Dee's store inventory selection follows that same kind of party girl theme, with fun clothes in soft, feminine, plush fabrics and a hearty selection of unique artisan jewelry. This is the place for petite/small women and women who like to wear their clothing reallyreallllly tight to buy sexy tops to go with favorite jeans (Anoname $89) and incredibly soft skirts to kick around with in those new red boots. I especially dug Momie's skirts (see polka dot skirt photo shown with tank tops to the right), which sport great pockets featuring 50s-looking cocktail stencils and are made from interestingly oddly-matched soft soft soft cotton vintage fabrics. At $98 these skirts are reasonably priced given the feel, workmanship, and look. Many of the designers Betsy Dee carries are local, with a few from Los Angeles and the midwest, and she hires interns and local designers to work in the store. One of my favourite pieces, which, like Betsy Dee's own "Bad Pants" label--a sizzling "Sharon Stone" kind of line--looks much better on a human than on the hanger, was a denim skirt with insets (see photo over there on the right hand side somewhere) designed by a student at San Francisco's Art Institute in a student fashion show that Betsy sponsors called "The Denim Invention." Some pieces created in that show are still available in the store, such as a sexy little jean-material corset. Interesting t-shirts that are lots more fun to wear than the standard plain Gap cotton number start at $25 and saucy little skirts that would be great with your stomper boots are $45-$90something. I do wish designers would cover a wider range of sizes to suit the curvier and taller of us! Be sure to check out the well-made and not-as-pricey-as-you-might-think designer jewelry in the cases lining the back of the store. Betsy Dee carries a better variety of jewelry than most mainly-clothing kind of stores. You never know where you might find the perfect signature piece for Fall.

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Ceasar Cafe

2007-02-05 10:23:04.749186+00:00

Good Morning, Glory! Some of the good folks of Ceasar Cafe: Edith, The Great Mario, and Joan. _____________________ If you've lived in the City for awhile, you've probably enjoyed one of Joan and Sam's fine homey coffee shops. They were on Valencia near New College at one time and that's where I first came to depend on them for my morning jolt. Now they're further up Valencia, still serving up a decent meal for a fair price--in fact the menu is pretty robust and even tastier these days. I was impressed by the generous girth of my breakfast crepe and would have happily shared halfsies with a friend. Salads, bagels, sandwiches, caffeine, whatever keeps ya going, get it here. ___________ Open Monday through Friday 6:30AM-10PM, Saturday 8AM-10PM, Sunday 8AM-8PM (grill closes at 7PM on Sundays) 415.621.3800

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Brand X: Antiques/Estate Jewelry/Objets d'Art

2006-08-30 08:19:48.651225+00:00

Of all the intricate and surprising shops in San Francisco, Brand X is most certainly Queen. Shopping here puts me in mind of a reverse "Needful Things" by Steven King: Happily this one offers up needful things that bring only good fortune. Fred Kirkbride and Tim Flint have created a wonderfully cluttered and darling little space for discovering treasures you never even knew you absolutely had to have in your collection. For me, a leisurely Sunday in the City includes hooking up with friends for fruity drinkies at Cafe Luna Piena followed by knocking a couple upcoming birthday and wedding gifts off my list at Brand X. Anyone who is into antique jewels and special whimsical delights for the home would be thrilled to receive just about any delicacy Fred and Tim might offer up. Fine antique jewelry, costume jewelry, paintings, art, erotic art, glassware, totchkes, miniatures, smoking memorabilia, a real mish-mash that could take hours to explore must be taken in quickly because you're on sort of a one-horse track and there's always someone shuffling close behind you. If you reallllllly like something, you'll probably have to go 'round the track a few times to get a good look, so remember which case it was in! Secret Erotic Cache: If you're over 18, be sure to keep an eye out for blonde Elvis!

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Clothes Contact: Fashion & Fabrics by the pound

2006-08-30 07:17:19.015457+00:00

I knew I recognized that guy from somewhere! Sean, formerly of Departures from the Past, is now performing irreverent and raunchy stand-up comedy at Clothes Contact in addition to Brainwash (Thursdays) and Canvas Gallery (Tuesdays). He'll make you laugh even while advising you that the leopard print mumu makes your ass look, well, BIG. I popped in here just for a minute and ended up staying long enough to find a terrificly patterned set of 50s pajamas for $18 (this is a stellar set, I'd peg it at $75 or so if it were freshly laundered and pressed and presented in a tonier store) and a $5 red hoodie with a "Sexy" pull tag (in case anyone doesn't notice immediately). Alley, dressed nattily in Clothes Contact finds (photos at right), advised buying lightweight clothes since Clothes Contact charges by the pound, but if things are extra heavy accommodations might be made to adjust the price. My pal bought a plush mauve velvet curtain to fashion into her reconstructed overalls and paid just $10--a good amount less than such a good piece of cloth might usually bring. Sure, she'll need to have it cleaned but the price is a bargain including that cost. If you're not afraid to dig in and have a good eye and feel for quality fabric you can find some remarkable pieces to wear as-is or rework into your reconstructed fantasy wardrobe. This is Clothes Contact's 20th anniversary celebration, so if you get there soon you'll get a 20% discount. Retro City Fashions has six shopping locations in the Bay area: Held Over, Clothes Contact, Sharks, La Rosa, Mission Thrift, and Mars. retrocity@retrocity.com 415.621.3212

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Mary's Exchange in Noe Valley

2006-08-30 07:39:09.026709+00:00

Lilly welcomes us to Mary's Exchange. _________________________ Right on the 24 MUNI line, Mary's is a practical gal's consignment shop with irresistible offerings like brand-new handknit sweaters with pointy hoods and puff-ball zipper pulls for only $65 (see photo to right) and used Coach bags at a fair price (they always seem to have Coach & Kate Spade--on this visit I spied a big old-style black Coach backpack for $125, not a bad price at all). Of course the selection varies but Mary's seems to consistently offer sizable selections of pre-worn designer jeans, not-so-boring office clothes, colorful designer leisure wear, designer handbags, and cashmere sweaters. This time I was smitten with the dazzling array of sparkly brooches and couldn't stop eyeing the impressive cotton skirt selection. Labels you'll bump into here, many of them local, include Citron, CP Shades, Weston Wear, Michael Stars, and Haley Bob. Maybe it's time to purge: Mary's offers a 50/50 consignment deal: you leave items for 50 days, you split the selling price 50/50. Consignment drop-in hours are 12:15-3:30pm Sunday-Friday. You'll also find new goods here. Owner Wendy (Mary's is named for Wendy's daughter) also buys inventory direct from vendors and you can find last season's items here and overstock from vendors like Neesh, Flax, and Solitaire. ________ Monday-Saturday 12-7pm, Sundays 12-6pm 415.282.6955

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Starbucks Artisans

2007-04-05 20:40:10.196264+00:00

As much as everybody loves to hate a chain, I have found San Francisco's Fox Plaza Starbucks to be filled with intelligent, kindly folk who really know their way around a mocha. Not only that, but many of them have other talents they share with the world as well. Featured in the photos herein with his whimsical caffeinated sculptural creations is coffee magician and artist Rudy Miguel, a solid person to trust with one's recommended daily dose of caffeine and art.

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