Keep Portland Weird

Santacon at PGE park

2006-03-03 22:54:47.458882+00:00

climbing up on the big faces seemed to be the main action here, and dancing!

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Mobile T-House Truck

2006-03-29 23:08:32.290624+00:00

Santacon meeting spot

2005-12-13 02:25:16+00:00

Come in your best santa duds for some raucous mayhem and good kleen fun. Sat, Dec 17th Noonish, i think.

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Santa in the empty mall

2005-12-19 12:01:50.397405+00:00

bottle rockets, hooting and merry making

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200 Santas!

2005-12-28 16:46:27.82157+00:00

santa-con 2005 we were not told where we were going all night long, you just had to keep following the santa with the bull-horn. I met up with the santas at 7pm they had been out since noon. I stayed until midnight when I stumbled into a cab and promptly put myself to bed. They were still out hitting bars when I last said farewell to the Santas.

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Beheaded groundhog effigy funeral proces

2006-03-01 22:07:40.956654+00:00

The noble groundhog gave his life in a sacrificial act of grace toward all the children. This small but sentimental dirge almost brought a tear to my eye.

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Zooobomb minibike winter olympix

2006-02-22 01:25:44.435099+00:00

Weld longer forks and a big seat post onto a tiny pink kid's bike, shave half your skull, assemble en masse along a riverside 'recreational' bike path and thrash each other with such activities as jousting, bungee-bike tug-o-war and then cheer as a naked reverend rides a bike headlong off a pier into the 40 degree river. This is zoobomb. And a whole clan of likeminded bike and chaos enthusiasts are assembling nationwide! Argh.

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urban iditarod

2006-03-05 16:12:14.818164+00:00

The 5th Annual Portland Urban Iditarod will be run Saturday, March 4th, 2006. Show up at 11am. We mush at 11:30am sharp. You can pre-register by sending e-mail. The event is held on the same date the "real" race each year - the first Saturday of March. In the Alaskan Iditarod, more than sixty dog sled teams race across the frozen tundra from Anchorage to Nome. In our urban version, teams of "dogs" lead by a musher will pull their sleds (shopping carts) through some of Portland's most scenic areas. These teams of barking humans must negotiate through the unrelenting and unforgiving dangers of Portland's urban frontier. As an incentive to run, dogs and mushers alike will have several "rest stops" to replenish lost fluids and discuss tales of mayhem. The course is over four miles, so dogs and mushers alike need to be ready and able to run their tails off. The 5th annual Urban Iditarod will start at the Fire Station on S.E. Madison right next to the Willamette River and follow the same basic course as the 2005 event. The course map will be posted on the website as well as passed out at the race start once the "rest stops" are confirmed.

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Took the offspring to the huge public pillow fight

2006-03-03 22:09:09.864066+00:00

Part of a movement, cacophonic, fun, innocent, pure. i had emiko on my shoulders right in the middle of the pit, spinning around, she's just hold out her pillow and thwap people's heads, her and tabor could not get enough of it. tabor wanted to be on the ground, walking up to peoples' backs and thwacking them by stealth mode.

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Saw March Fourth Marching Band @ Wonder Ballroom

2006-03-05 16:18:50.438524+00:00

This really great burningman style, circus, marching band, burlesque, stiltwalking, stunty, firespinning, brass heavy, dance & party machine did a kids matinee show this saturday that was fantastic. Tabor didn't like the stilt walkers, emiko was very enthusiastic about the show!

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Lanny's Hair Shack

2006-03-30 00:28:55.831561+00:00

Best haircuts in this or any universe.

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The old 24 Hour Church of Elvis

2006-03-29 22:50:23.593496+00:00

The classic wedding spot, late night escapades, surrounded by drunk freeloaders, chillin with the live elvis.

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The not so secure cover to the HOLE

2006-05-02 22:12:40.913164+00:00

This is terrifying to me.

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Happy Birthday Tracy

2008-01-25 09:07:57.13612+00:00

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Stripparaoke

2006-12-13 18:51:52.396351+00:00

[September 25, 2006] My big plan today was to trek across state-lines to Vancouver, Washington for a demonstration by world-famous masters of Wushu, Jet Li's martial art, who were performing at a movie theater in honor of the release of Fearless. After an hour and a half of buses, I discovered that the listing in the newspaper was wrong, it'd been yesterday and Friday. After that, I planned on taking it easy for the evening. The highlight of the day was running into two of my friends from back home on the bus and bringing them on a tour to my favorite bar, coffeehouse, pizza joint and playground in the neighborhood. But then I sang at a strip club instead. To preface: In my 26 years, I've only been in a strip club once, many years ago. By the end of the night, I'd decided I'd never go to one again, because it was just too easy. Too easy to spend my last $20, which I'd planned to spend on re-piercing my eyebrow. But when the Aussie told me there's a club further down the bus route that has "Stripparaoke" every Sunday night, I knew some things in my head had to change. And so it was that me, the Aussie and the Minnesotan walked into the Devil's Point to the sound of "Land of the Rising Sun," sung by a guy sharing the stage with a dancer named Valentine. Stripparaoke. It's all in the name. You're singing karaoke on the stage of the club, next to the pole, reading the lyrics off a TV screen or the projector behind you, surrounded by mirrors -- while a stripper rubs up against you, gyrates around, and occasionally flips upside-down on the pole and spreads her legs for the audience. There were some damn good songs. One guy got on stage, and told us about how one method of torture the U.S. uses against detainees is to play The Eagles loudly, for a long time. Then he sang "The Eagles Must Die." Another guy announced, "This song is from George Bush to Osama bin Laden," and sang "Never There" by Cake. "When I need you, baby? You're never there!" The Minnesotan sang "Mustang Sally," and the Aussie sang "Mack The Knife" despite the computer glitching. Myself, I chose "Kiss Off" by The Violent Femmes over the Dynamite Hack version of "Boyz in da Hood" and "Mambo #5." This wasn't the wisest choice, because as soon as the music started I realized I'm only familiar with live recordings off it and the cover Matt Hopper plays, yet I don't think I did that bad in the end. But maybe next Sunday it'll be time for "Boyz in da Hood," "Mambo #5" and perhaps even "You Can't Hurry Love" by The Supremes. Because it was a fucking blast, and I'm definitely going to become a regular.

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A Gratuitous Fight Scene

2006-12-13 18:49:00.003524+00:00

[September 16, 2006] I was waiting for the bus on the corner of Couch St. and 6th Ave, and there was a guy on stilts practicing fight choreography with another guy in the parking lot of an art gallery. I am very curious what they were practicing it for.

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The Underpants Dance

2006-12-13 18:57:30.620689+00:00

[September 23, 2006] As we left for the Last Chance Underpants Dance Party, one of my friends commented on how surprisingly complex it was to decide what to wear. I'd noticed the same thing. How tight did I want my garment to be? How much flesh should it cover, or show? Do I want to be tasteful, or silly? And how much, well, wobbling is okay, and how much would be scandalous. And is scandalous even a bad thing in this situation? I'd been invited to the party by a gentleman I met at the after-party for an art show he'd organized in my neighborhood. He was also the organizer of the Underpants Dance, and several similar events in the past few months. This one was at a house in northeast Portland, and at the Aussie's behest we took a cab -- which proved to be a lengthy and frightening mistake. Portland is bilaterally symmetrical, cut down the middle by the Willamette river, with mirroring numbered streets running north-south on either side of it. The party was on the east side, just like us, but the cabbie wanted to take the freeway, so he pulled onto a bride over the Willamette -- and discovered the exit closed. And the next exit closed. We crossed the river twice, as the cabbie got increasingly more frustrated, and started driving faster and faster. The exits were closed due to an accident, and at one point it looked like we were about to T-bone a fire engine on its way there. $30 later, we were at the party, and stripped down to our party attire. (I'd settled on a pair of new Super-Man boxer shorts and my Green Lantern t-shirt. Wearing the two, I told people I was the Justice League of America.) The night featured a slew of DJs and bands (including Blitzen Trapper, who I'd been wanting to see), a game of Twister, and a whole bunch of people in their underwear. Really, of the several hundred people there, maybe half were undressed for it. The large quantity of fully-clothed people detracted from it for me. Seriously, if you aren't willing to meet the undress code, why are you going to an underwear party, unless it's to check people out? Those of you who don't know me may be experiencing a sensation of "... You went to an underwear party?" I think people imagine this sort of thing to be more risque than it actually is. The women there were wearing at least as much as you'd see them in at the beach, and many of them were wearing lingerie that was probably much less revealing than their swimsuits. (There were more guys in skimpy clothes than you'd expect to see on an American beach, but that seemed mainly done out of humor.) It was promoted as a safe-space party, where everyone was asked to respect each other's boundaries, and if anyone asked you to leave, you were supposed to leave. Lots of people would imagine the opposite, but I saw far less making-out, cuddling and displays of sexuality than I do at the usual party. (Though based on their demeanor and where their eyes were pointed, I'd swear two girls were deep in conversation about my crotch.)

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Zombies Invade the Mall

2006-12-10 20:18:24.080295+00:00

Portland's second Zombie Walk of October 2006 started in Pioneer Square, and went through Pioneer Place mall, which was definitely the highlight of the lurch. The other great part was attacking the MAX light rail when it went by, with cries of "TRAAAAAAAAINS!". Lots of pounding on windows and smearing blood on the side as we tried to get at the people inside, until the driver cut in over the loudspeaker. "You'll be dead for real if you keep hanging on the side like that." After leaving the mall, we passed a street musician playing some drums. And a bunch of zombies paused for a dance party.

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The Motherfucking MONTAGE!

2006-12-16 19:28:59.796293+00:00

[October 23, 2006] After the Cut Chemist/Lyrics Born show at the Crystal Ballroom, my friends decided to eat at the Montage -- which they couldn't say, without then singing "Motherfucking Montage!" in a falsetto voice, like the song from Team America: World Police. I was taken aback by how classy and fancy it looked when I walked in. Then one of the cooks bellowed "WHAAAAAAZUUUUUP?" because he saw new people in the restaurant. And then I looked down, and saw bits of paper all over the floor. All of the day's bills, scattered all over the floor. And then there was the fact that, when we ordered the Green Eggs and Spam, they made it using 17 eggs, for no apparent reason. As the waiter delivered it, he knocked my water glass into my lap, which it fell out of and shattered without getting anything more than my knees wet. The waiter was also wearing shorts, and had patches all over his apron -- like, patches in the shape of flowers or something. When we left, the staff wrapped the leftovers into a doggy bag in the shape of a squirrel made of tinfoil. I will, from henceforth, be bringing EVERYONE who comes to visit me in Portland to Montage.

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Portland's Urban Iditarod 2007

2007-03-13 00:04:36.646731+00:00

I missed most of the Urban Iditarod. This makes me very, very sad. I caught up with the race at the finish line under the Hawthorne Bridge, and it turned out to be 469 drunks in funny costumes having a really, really good time.

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Cabaret Strip Club + 200 Santas

2005-12-19 11:41:49.894816+00:00

This was the first stop of the day, santacon 2005, Portland.

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Santacon at Bliss

2006-12-11 10:39:21.871827+00:00

Go Santa. 400 santas in hedonistic holiday bliss.

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"This is very, very dangerous! And also sexy."

2006-12-16 19:22:29.429907+00:00

[October 24, 2006] There is a thing of consummate beauty and specialness in Portland called MarchFourth Marching Band. MarchFourth is a 35-piece burlesque/carnival marching band featuring 15 horns, 10 percussionists, a bassist, six girls in slinky clothes who do sexy choreography, and four men on stilts who do acrobatics. The first half of the show was mostly a spectacle, but just before the intermission they invited the crowd closer, and it turned into a dance party. I don't tend to dance in public anymore (except to ska), because my dancing is big and ridiculous and I'm shy. Tonight, that went out the damn window. Oh, and did I mention that they show up in random locations around Portland, in their own firetruck? And that they make all their own costumes, and their drum harnesses are made out of welded bicycle parts?

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Growling Chupacabra vs Screaming Raccoon

2008-07-25 10:04:23.990789+00:00

OK, this is serious! Walking around along Sumner St last night, around 11 or 12, listening to a podcast. I hear such a loud screaming sound that I take off my headphones and am standing directly in front of the tree pictured here. Some kind of feral brutality was going down. One growling, snorting, snarling, deep, nightmarishly terrifying beast could be heard high up in the tree shaking around a terrified, squealing, shrieking, screaming animal for a duration of no less than 2 minutes. Neighborhood dogs started barking at the noise, but no humans came to investigate. Then what had previously only been auditory exposure, changed. I saw the branches at the very top of this tree bend out, and the treetop began to shake violently. At first I thought the aggressor must be a raccoon, but the size of the disruption was more along the lines of what you'd expect from something almost human in scale. It was huge, it was wild. Then the screaming stopped. Then I heard the monster descending very rapidly within the branches of this very tall tree, and started to consider what would happen if a bloody predator, of any size, came barging over the fence and towards me. The dogs were still barking. I noticed there were a lot of dogs, behind a lot of tall fences. In fact every house on the block was actively protecting itself from the threat of invasion. Could this monster be a known phenomena? Known yet suppressed? After all, not a single person came to see what the noise was, what all the noise was about. Had they learned their lesson the hard way? Should this beast be ignored? Should I not have stopped?

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Space Bike RV Guy

2007-10-02 22:45:15.298551+00:00

Junior Embassador Food Cart

2007-10-02 23:13:17.27997+00:00

Ice Cream and snacks of Mostlandian Origin, including chipotle strawberry, asparagus, or maple bacon

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