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         xmlns:georss="http://www.georss.org/georss"><docs>This is a RSS file. Copy the URL into your aggregator of choice. If you don't know what this means and want to learn more, please see: <span>http://platial.typepad.com/news/2006/04/really_simple_t.html</span> for more info.</docs>
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<link>http://www.platial.com</link>
<title>BrOoKLyN FAkE OLyMpiX 2oo6 On Platial.com</title>
<description>tHiS fAbLeD sErIeS oF eVenTs iS s0mE 0f ThE beSt fUn (TroUbLe) YoU wiLL gEt iNt0 tH1s YeAr!!</description>
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<rdf:li resource="http://www.platial.com/post/35939"/>
<rdf:li resource="http://www.platial.com/post/36028"/>
<rdf:li resource="http://www.platial.com/post/36065"/>
<rdf:li resource="http://www.platial.com/post/36085"/>
<rdf:li resource="http://www.platial.com/post/36088"/>
<rdf:li resource="http://www.platial.com/post/36260"/>
<rdf:li resource="http://www.platial.com/post/36908"/>
<rdf:li resource="http://www.platial.com/post/36086"/>
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<item rdf:about="http://www.platial.com/post/35939">
<link>http://www.platial.com/post/35939</link>
<title>WINTER LEISURE TENNIS - MON 2/20</title>
<description>
        <![CDATA[
        Part of the Brooklyn Fake Olympix:
cooper park is found between the corners of
    masbeth, morgan, sharon and olive streets
    a bit northeast of the intersection of
    bushwick and metropolitan (by the white castle)
    and overlooks an old insane asylum
    it has big beautiful trees
    and the courts, found on the morgan side of the park
    have no annoying nets

    winter leisure tennis is played in 30's flapper formal wear
    or at least some variety of country club formalwear
    (dress shoes; suits for men; gowns for women)
    and is played with drink in hand, in a glass

    it can be played singles or doubles

    and is all about the volley

    the point is not to spill your drink
    and if your opponent makes you run
    you may call him an asshole

    points are determined in this way

    athletes must provide own racquets / liquor / glassware

---

upcoming

---

MON 2/20   FIRE GOLF / evening / location tba

    fire golf is played for distance
    like a driving range
    but the ball's on fire
    which is more pretty
    (and fairly irresponsible)

    balls and clubs will be provided


TUES 2/21  DRUG CHESS / evening / location tba

    opponents must each be on different drugs
    alcohol does not count


TUES 2/21  EROTIC DANCING / evening / location tba

    self-explanatory


WED 2/22  PYRO (FOR ALTITUDE) / evening / location tba

    this sport is quite simple and elegant
    how high can you make the fire go?
    any kind of fire
    think strategically
    this will be judged from a rooftop
    athletes may compete from anywhere in the area
    no property damage, please


WED 2/22   PISSING CONTEST (FOR DURATION)  / evening / location tba

    judged by stopwatch


WED 2/22   CAPTURE THE FLAG / evening / location tba

    American flags not acceptable
    not at all the sport you imagine
    more like a scavenger hunt
    to bring back the most / best corporate flags

    this event is already in progress....<br/>Tags: fun, nyc, brooklyn, art, tennis, drinking, olympix<br /><br /><a href="http://www.platial.com/post/35939">Map this on Platial</a><br /> 
        ]]>
        </description>
<georss:point>40.715525 -73.93618</georss:point>
<dc:creator>platialUser:jason</dc:creator>
<dc:date>2006-02-19 00:35:46.695202+00:00</dc:date>
</item>
<item rdf:about="http://www.platial.com/post/36028">
<link>http://www.platial.com/post/36028</link>
<title>MON 2/20   FIRE GOLF / 9pm /</title>
<description>
        <![CDATA[
        MON 2/20   FIRE GOLF / 9pm / grand st + kent ave

    fire golf is played for distance
    like a driving range
    but the ball's on fire
    which is more pretty

    balls and clubs provided<br/>Tags: fire, golf, waterfront, brooklyn, williamsburg, olympix, olympics, fun, art, danger, sport<br /><br /><a href="http://www.platial.com/post/36028">Map this on Platial</a><br /> 
        ]]>
        </description>
<georss:point>40.716412 -73.966731</georss:point>
<dc:creator>platialUser:jason</dc:creator>
<dc:date>2006-02-20 16:59:03.074619+00:00</dc:date>
</item>
<item rdf:about="http://www.platial.com/post/36065">
<link>http://www.platial.com/post/36065</link>
<title>TUES 2/21  DRUG CHESS / 10pm / @ the subway bar</title>
<description>
        <![CDATA[
            opponents must each be on different drugs
    alcohol does not count

    athletes must provide own drugs
    (take them before you arrive)

    note: the brooklyn winter fake olympix
    is in fact pro performance enhancement
    and therefore has no drug policy to speak of
    except to say that it is neither our resposibility
    nor business what you do to yourself<br/>Tags: contest, chess, williamsburg, brooklyn, olympix, party, fun, drugs<br /><br /><a href="http://www.platial.com/post/36065">Map this on Platial</a><br /> 
        ]]>
        </description>
<georss:point>40.714053 -73.951383</georss:point>
<dc:creator>platialUser:hive</dc:creator>
<dc:date>2006-02-21 11:02:20.573809+00:00</dc:date>
</item>
<item rdf:about="http://www.platial.com/post/36085">
<link>http://www.platial.com/post/36085</link>
<title>brooklyn winter fake olympix - winter leisure tennis</title>
<description>
        <![CDATA[
        cooper park overlooks an old insane asylum
it has big beautiful trees
and the courts, found on the morgan side of the park
have no annoying nets

winter leisure tennis is played in 20's flapper formal wear
or at least some variety of country club formalwear
(dress shoes; suits for men; gowns for women)
and is played with drink in hand, in a glass

it can be played singles or doubles

and is all about the volley

the point is not to spill your drink
and if your opponent makes you run
you may call him an asshole

points are determined in this way

athletes must provide own racquets / liquor / glassware

---

<br/>Tags: olympix, !olympix!, fake olympix, brooklyn winter fake olympix<br /><br /><a href="http://www.platial.com/post/36085">Map this on Platial</a><br /> 
        ]]>
        </description>
<georss:point>40.715842 -73.937302</georss:point>
<dc:creator>platialUser:olympix</dc:creator>
<dc:date>2006-02-21 15:16:50.345638+00:00</dc:date>
</item>
<item rdf:about="http://www.platial.com/post/36088">
<link>http://www.platial.com/post/36088</link>
<title>brooklyn winter fake olympix - drug chess</title>
<description>
        <![CDATA[
        DRUG CHESS

opponents must each be on different drugs
alcohol does not count

athletes must provide own drugs
(take them before you arrive)

note: the brooklyn winter fake olympix
is in fact pro performance enhancement
and therefore has no drug policy to speak of
except to say that it is neither our resposibility
nor our business what you do to yourself

-----

DRUG CHESS IN REVIEW

-----

match #1

speed versus marijuana

someone in the bar stole a white pawn
before the game could even start
a strange hostility
(we suspect the billiards people)

but pawns are easily replaced

both opponents arrived exactly on time

white goes first
always
which is indicative, maybe
of something or other

and prompted the question
which came first:
chess or colonialism?

a very balanced match, though
both drugs known for their extreme sense of focus

yet also (and rather directly correlated)
their myopia
which led to several unforced errors
on both sides

still
three long smart games
slow to draw blood
but dramatic
replete with rampaging queens
animal sacrifices
and a king who nearly crossed the board
which seemed like it should mean something

the walk-away?

as with anything
try to be three moves ahead

and you're not allowed to put yourself into check


winner / in 2 out of 3 / marijuana

game 1 : mj
game 2 : speed
game 3 : mj



<br/>Tags: olympix, !olympix!, fake olympix, brooklyn winter fake olympix<br /><br /><a href="http://www.platial.com/post/36088">Map this on Platial</a><br /> 
        ]]>
        </description>
<georss:point>40.714118 -73.951292</georss:point>
<dc:creator>platialUser:olympix</dc:creator>
<dc:date>2006-02-22 08:54:22.738594+00:00</dc:date>
</item>
<item rdf:about="http://www.platial.com/post/36260">
<link>http://www.platial.com/post/36260</link>
<title>brooklyn winter fake olympix --- pyro (for altitude) --- pissing contest (for duration)</title>
<description>
        <![CDATA[
        we met at a bar

then we went to the location in a jovial mood
it wasn't until halfway through the pissing contest that the cops rolled up in a van
not for pissing even but
one guy'd been brownbagging it
a got 2 fully contestable tickets for open container
that they didnt actually look at
and let him finish

it seemed the pissing was over

the crowd had scattered

but mostly regrouped

at this point poland had won solidly
pissing a full 40 seconds
far surpassing texas
who'd already pissed at the bar
concentrated as he was with the upcoming pyro
and the two big balloons he was carrying around

his competition in pyro for alto, representing east williamsburg
found her bottlerockets on the ground
in front of a church or something

so it was an upset
when two female attenddees became athletes
and pissed between some cars

the pyro judge pissed a full 37 seconds
but east williamsburg industrial park pissed an amazing 54 seconds
showing extraordinary bladder control

all pissing was done onto a piece of aluminum foil, 
making the piss somewhat noisier
to assist with the timing 
(so no one would have to look too closely)
a good innovation

all night though waiting for pyro

it still had to happen
time had been spent
a winning design had been right in front of the cops
who didn't understand

but

the man who'd had the bad fortune with the police
perhaps shaken
then lost one of the balloons to the sky
it floated away
though questions were not raised of sabotage
until we were climbing up the ladder to the roof 
and the second balloon popped

after all that

no one counld keep from laughing

no balloons now
for texas
just inginuity

it seemed that williamsburg would win automatically
with found bottlerockets
but texas was not cowed
still in possession of a few jumping jacks

which aren't even illegal

the gauntlet thrown

the first bottle rocket
a whistler
flew in such a way
as to explode below the roofs own altitude
hardly impressive

texas advanced easily
by throwing a jumpi<br/>Tags: olympix, !olympix!, brooklyn winter fake olympix, fake olympix<br /><br /><a href="http://www.platial.com/post/36260">Map this on Platial</a><br /> 
        ]]>
        </description>
<georss:point>40.714623 -73.938739</georss:point>
<dc:creator>platialUser:olympix</dc:creator>
<dc:date>2006-02-22 23:14:37.110668+00:00</dc:date>
</item>
<item rdf:about="http://www.platial.com/post/36908">
<link>http://www.platial.com/post/36908</link>
<title>brooklyn winter fake olympix --- book burning competition</title>
<description>
        <![CDATA[
        how to hold a book burning
-------------------------------

just do it, as they say

we had a whole scheme worked out
concerning legalities and appearances
involving a portable grill and matchlit charcoal
we would pose as a neighborhood bbq
cooking hot dogs on sticks
so if the cops came
maybe they wouldnt notice
all the books

we were naive perhaps 
about how much actual fire
a book burning can turn out to be

it would have worked
but proved unneccesary
a contingency plan

it turns out
all you need to do
is put the box on the ground
and burn it

the charcoal didn't hurt
or a free newspaper

but its easily 
all turned to fire
beautiful
turned hot and orange
transformed to ash and darkness
and gone
flaming pages 
embers
blowing down the street
an empty industrial block
cars far away
the boxes burnt directly in front of a fire hydrant

as always
easy

--

the hot dogs would have been smoked by the books
infused, in a sense
and each book has it own multifaceted toxicity

so interesting questions arise
is it on glossy paper?
would you eat a hot dog smoked with a biography of oliver stone?
with a romance novel?

there were two boxes of books provided

one by our tennis pro

and one that was thrown from a moving car
a dark volvo with a drumkit in the back

please contact us 
with the names of any books
we've failed to mention

they were burned almost immediately
before our secretary could get through them

--

what it was particularly
that was hated about these books is unknowable

terribly written?
evil?
taking up space?
cruel? 
worthless?

we shall never know

but offer these titles for the record

---

the competitors

---

"the tennis pro"
in a cardboard box from amazon.com (which got burnt too)


romeo and juliet
rotisserie + bbq, by ron popeil
life before man, by margaret atwood
the little iMac book
a biography of oliver stone, by james riordan
directory of physicians + health care providers
b+h store catalog 

---

"the dead body" 
box thrown from a moving car


fut<br/>Tags: !olympix!, fake olympix, brooklyn winter fake olympix, olympix<br /><br /><a href="http://www.platial.com/post/36908">Map this on Platial</a><br /> 
        ]]>
        </description>
<georss:point>40.712004 -73.952301</georss:point>
<dc:creator>platialUser:olympix</dc:creator>
<dc:date>2006-02-26 15:38:23.319706+00:00</dc:date>
</item>
<item rdf:about="http://www.platial.com/post/36086">
<link>http://www.platial.com/post/36086</link>
<title>brooklyn winter fake olympix - fire golf</title>
<description>
        <![CDATA[
        fire golf is played for distance
like a driving range
but the ball's on fire
which is more pretty

you have to make special balls
obviously
so you can light them on fire<br/>Tags: olympix, !olympix!, fake olympix, brooklyn winter fake olympix<br /><br /><a href="http://www.platial.com/post/36086">Map this on Platial</a><br /> 
        ]]>
        </description>
<georss:point>40.716493 -73.966699</georss:point>
<dc:creator>platialUser:olympix</dc:creator>
<dc:date>2006-02-21 15:26:40.198203+00:00</dc:date>
</item>
<item rdf:about="http://www.platial.com/post/36066">
<link>http://www.platial.com/post/36066</link>
<title>TUES 2/21-22  OLYMPIC EROTIC DANCING / 1 am / subway bar</title>
<description>
        <![CDATA[
         self-explanatory

    this event is delicate
    and will only go off
    if people are truly committed
    to their sport<br/>Tags: contest, dancing, williamsburg, brooklyn, olympix, party, fun, drinking, erotic<br /><br /><a href="http://www.platial.com/post/36066">Map this on Platial</a><br /> 
        ]]>
        </description>
<georss:point>40.714053 -73.951383</georss:point>
<dc:creator>platialUser:hive</dc:creator>
<dc:date>2006-02-21 11:06:36.383303+00:00</dc:date>
</item>
<item rdf:about="http://www.platial.com/post/36082">
<link>http://www.platial.com/post/36082</link>
<title>brooklyn winter fake olympix - opening ceremonies</title>
<description>
        <![CDATA[
        HERE AT HOME, WE'VE BEEN WATCHING A VIDEO FROM 2000
ABOUT THE TIME THE SERBS TOOK OVER THEIR PARLIAMENT IN BELGRAD
(AND SET IT ON FIRE; ELECTIONS HAD BEEN STOLEN)

ONE MAN TELLS ABOUT SEEING SOMEONE
THROW A TELEVISION OUT THE WINDOW

THE MAN SAID "WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?"
THE SECOND MAN WAS LAUGHING:
"THIS TELEVISION! THIS IS THE STATE TELEVISION!"
AND THREW IT DOWN TO THE STREET.

THIS EVOKED CHEERING. THE SERBS HAD FUN THAT DAY, WHICH INTRIGUED US.

(I REMEMBER HEARING THAT THE ALBANIAN STREET RIOTS OF '97 WERE VERY FUNNY TOO; ABSURDIST AND DARK; THEY'D ALL BEEN SCREWED OVER IN A HUGE PYRAMID SCHEME)

SERBIAN OPPOSITION LAUNCHES CHRISTMAS CHARM OFFENSIVE: "Tens of thousands of Serbs attended public demonstrations on 7 January, which is Serbian Orthodox Christmas. In a new tactic, people kissed the riot police, who are President Slobodan Milosevic's last bastion of defense."

IT SOUNDS MORE LIKE SPORT THAT WE'D REALIZED.

OLYMPIC SMASH THE STATE TELEVISION -
WANTON TELEVISION SMASHING / FOR DISTANCE AND WANTONNESS
(NO-RULES TELEVISION HURLING)

ATHLETES MUST PROVIDE OWN EQUIPMENT

IT'S NOT HARD TO FIND AN OLD TV SET
THEY ARE PLENTIFUL
HERE IN AMERICA ONE MAY DISCARD THEM
WITH IMPUNITY

---

a large television landing directly on its face
makes a great deep sound
that makes everyone stop moving for a second
a great spooky whoomp

as the tube shatters its vacuum or whatever
we recommend doing this outdoors for the echoes

though there are a lot of concerns
video surveillance, or policemen
the thick broken glass and dust
and mercury escapes
which is bad for you

another gas too, xenon, zion?

but people can throw pretty far
for olympic glory

smash the state (television) turned out rather beautifully
to be a lot like bocci
or lawn bowling, as it is called on our cruise ships
a gentleman's sport
a leisure activity
wherein one television
(in our case, the big white one)
is thrown first
and thus becomes the target
for all the rest

whoever gets theirs closest
has won
<br/>Tags: olympix, !olympix!, fake olympix, brooklyn winter fake olympix<br /><br /><a href="http://www.platial.com/post/36082">Map this on Platial</a><br /> 
        ]]>
        </description>
<georss:point>40.71272 -73.967772</georss:point>
<dc:creator>platialUser:olympix</dc:creator>
<dc:date>2006-02-21 14:51:25.990752+00:00</dc:date>
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